That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
