I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just tell him i said nine months
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
