just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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