Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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