when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
