textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
