Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
