I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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