the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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