Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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