Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
