I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
