She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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