Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
