I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
