I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
