I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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