Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
