no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
