Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
