i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
