Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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