You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
