i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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