I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
