So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
third nipple confirmed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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