If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
