Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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