The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
