I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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