so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
