I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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