Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
