So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
