yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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