Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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