I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
