As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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