dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
