i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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