And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
