You're completely useless in the revolution.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
