My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
