Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
