We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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