I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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