so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
