I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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