hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
