Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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