I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
