I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Buhtt sex?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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