I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
