It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
