remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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