We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my poor anus
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
