its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
