If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
