this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i came on her dog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize