D3 body, D1 cock
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
