I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
