I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
