I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
