idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize