it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
