he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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