I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
